When I played in a band we were not very popular locally, or anywhere for that matter. We were all transplants to the area and had a certain arrogance that audiences just didn’t appreciate. It was totally staged and meant to be tongue-in-cheek, but if crowds aren’t spoon-fed the joke then they often won’t take the time to figure it out. The guys in Dissever got it. They would talk promoters into putting us on shows and if Dissever had a hand in booking some national acts they would get us on the show every time. They literally fought our battles for us:
One night we played some stupid Cabo Wabo contest thing for the opportunity to open for Sammy Hagar in Cabo San Lucas. How ridiculous and we knew we weren’t going to win, we just wanted to play a show in some awful college bar that everyone in my band went to all the time. It was an opportunity to put our unwarranted arrogance in front of people we saw every week, but had no idea what we were doing when we weren’t blackout drunk (we always played our shows stone sober).
We had to sign a contract. I don’t remember what it said, but I do remember seeing “Artist must perform 20 minutes…” We were the last band of three to play, Dissever being one of the other 2, I forget the other band. We planned on playing five songs, specifically saving one for the closer, as every band does. We figured if we get cut off they’ll say “Okay, you get one more.” and we’ll go into that one whether it’s 3rd, 4th, whatever. We get through three songs, doing our typical antics and without warning we are told with a nervous smile, “Okay, that’s it. Voting is over.” I said, “Well that’s not 20 minutes and we didn’t come here to win, we came here to play.” (I know, how very punk rock) and we went into our closer. The MC of the event, a short, but stout man, walked over to our guitarist’s amp and tried to unplug it. The bass player from Dissever, also stout, but much taller ran over and stood in front of the amp blocking the MC and a shoving match ensued. The 4 members of my band ran into the opposite corner of the stage pointing and laughing our asses off because we had finally incited the very scenario we talked about possibly facing every practice. Meanwhile, all the guys in Dissever are squaring up the MC and bouncers. Thankfully, no further violence took place. We were told to get our equipment out immediately and several times had to slap away the hands of the bouncers who were anxiously eager to help us pack up.
Like I said, as patrons, we were no strangers to this bar, but, for the next two or 3 months, every time we tried to enter we were asked if we could please be strangers. One night, our drummer wore his work wig (another long story) and busted out his best Five Man Electrical Band impression when he pulled his wig off in the middle of the bar and was promptly asked to leave.
Anyway, I know this is a Dissever song and I quickly made this post about me, but it’s what we’re all best at. But here’s to Dissever, a group of guys I’ve actually seen more than my own former band mates since our dissolution and am happy every time it happens.
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